Love and Belonging is the first of the four psychological needs. It is fulfilled by feeling a 'part of' and engaging in sharing and loving relationships. Love and belonging is by far the most difficult need to fulfill due to the involvement with others....and of course we can't control others' behaviors! Just a few examples of love and belonging fulfilling behaviors may be playing on a team, spending time with family, or engaging in spiritual practices. Everyone chooses to fulfill needs differently so the possibilities for need fulfillment are countless!
Drinking and using may also be a person's best attempt to fulfill a sense of belonging. Many teenagers or young adults go to parties or engage in AOD (Alcohol or Drug) use to 'fit in'. This can be reinforced throughout a person's life, as typically heavy drinkers or drug users also associate with others who use at the same level. It's not attractive to an AOD user to be actively using in front of sober, clean people. Today's society has alcohol intertwined into many facets. There are no other places where people go to 'lose inhibitions' and behave under the influence. Bars provide belonging for people who don't even have friends waiting for them...if everyone has the same purpose there is a sense of underlying belonging. Another need fulfillment aspect of AOD is not having to feel the loss of Love. It may not necessarily provide Love, although many people have been said to have a love affair with a bottle, but it can definitely be a person's best attempt at forgetting loneliness for a while.
Power is another psychological need fulfilled by engaging in behaviors resulting in feeling important, achieved, and accomplished. Power is often misperceived as control. Some people may choose to fulfill their power need by controlling or bossing others, but to truly assist relationships in developing quality it's important to EMpower rather than OVERpower. Fulfilling power in a healthy, most effective way would mean that a person moves forward without holding someone back or forcing them behind. People may choose to fulfill their power need by finishing tasks they set out to do, working on a school degree, successfully making a change in life, or getting through long days of work.
AOD can alter a person's perception of having control and accomplishment. It's not often that a person truly accomplishes great things while actively drinking or using, but it IS often that people will brag about vast accomplishments while under the influence. Power is the sense that we feel important and achieved, meaning if we are not feeling that way we might find something that changes that feeling and perception to be less painful for awhile. AOD can create an impression that a person is 10 feet high and bulletproof...it's hard to get more powerful than that.
Freedom is our third psychological need expressed by our ability to move and choose freely and make our own decisions. Depending on a person's life experience, freedom may mean several things. For a previously incarcerated person, it may be fulfilled by maintaining physical freedom. For a religiously oppressed person it may be seen as the ability to practice their beliefs without judgment or punishment. Some folks may see their circumstances to blame for not having the freedom they want; however, a simple change in perception can increase our sense of freedom. Freedom need fulfillment may be achieved by working for oneself, meditation, or traveling.
AOD use can be used to "unwind"...a drink at the end of the day, a joint to free one's mind. Losing inhibition and becoming intoxicated at any level can begin to create the perception that we can choose to do whatever we want. We can leave the stress behind by just ingesting a substance - that's a hard belief to rid oneself of if it becomes reinforced throughout many years. Eventually this can become a need frustrating behavior as AOD can cause imprisonment or family loss.
Fun is the last psychological need expressed by laughing, playing, and learning. Learning might not sound like fun BUT this isn't talking about high-school geometry class. Unless, of course, you would choose to do geometry for fun! Learning by choice is a fun fulfilling behavior, especially when considering learning new hobbies or skills. Laughing and playing are obvious signs of fun fulfillment and fun is the easiest need to fulfill. We can choose to fulfill fun with others or by ourselves and in small or large ways. Fun may mean talking about 'the good old days', playing board games, reading a book, engaging in sports, or playing with children.
Fun is one of the primary reasons a person may decide to begin using AOD. It is very common for teenagers and young adults to find that parties or other social gatherings are much looser and more relaxed when drinking or drugging is present. Social drinking can sound very attractive and may actually be misrepresented. Being around other people doesn't necessarily make drinking 'social' other than other people are present! Many television and magazine ads represent alcohol use as fun and attractive. "If you drink Bud Lite (or insert any drink of choice) you'll be the life of the party" seems to be the message we can receive. Other drugs may alter perceptions and convince a person they wouldn't have much fun without being high: watching Cheech and Chong while high on marijuana or engaging in sex while on methamphetamines. Drugs temporarily increase dopamine, which increases the amount of fun we can perceive we're having.
Survival is the ingrained, biological instruction we all have related to (but not limited to) hunger, thirst, and sexual desire. This is the only biological based need and may also be expressed as a desire to live a healthy life, save money, and avoiding injury. A person with a very high need for survival would most likely not be skydiving or choosing to obtain credit card debt.
It may not seem like alcohol or drugs would fit into this category, but when AOD use has progressed to the point of withdrawal symptoms when not using, people may need to ingest their substance of choice to function. The alcohol user experiencing shakes, sweats, or with a history of seizures has a physiological system requiring alcohol to make things work smoothly...or as smooth as can be. Opiates or painkillers are also substances that require people to ingest substances to avoid the flu-like systems that are withdrawal.
It may not make sense to family members or friends of AOD users if their loved ones are experiencing legal problems, medical problems, family concerns, or job problems that the person would continue to use. However, to the AOD user they are simply choosing the most need fulfilling behavior they KNOW of. We can only make choices based on the information we have. If our behavioral system knows that drinking or drugging has worked to gain some need fulfillment in the past, it takes a great deal of new information to find something as need fulfilling. The human condition is that we attempt to resolve any pain or frustration and attempt to feel pleasure. Alcohol and drugs can be quick and seem instantly gratifying, despite any longterm damage. Recovery from AOD use is difficult as it can be very hard to remain patient in finding equally need fulfilling, quality world relationships and behaviors as AOD used to be....BUT IT CAN BE DONE!!
Drinking and using may also be a person's best attempt to fulfill a sense of belonging. Many teenagers or young adults go to parties or engage in AOD (Alcohol or Drug) use to 'fit in'. This can be reinforced throughout a person's life, as typically heavy drinkers or drug users also associate with others who use at the same level. It's not attractive to an AOD user to be actively using in front of sober, clean people. Today's society has alcohol intertwined into many facets. There are no other places where people go to 'lose inhibitions' and behave under the influence. Bars provide belonging for people who don't even have friends waiting for them...if everyone has the same purpose there is a sense of underlying belonging. Another need fulfillment aspect of AOD is not having to feel the loss of Love. It may not necessarily provide Love, although many people have been said to have a love affair with a bottle, but it can definitely be a person's best attempt at forgetting loneliness for a while.
Power is another psychological need fulfilled by engaging in behaviors resulting in feeling important, achieved, and accomplished. Power is often misperceived as control. Some people may choose to fulfill their power need by controlling or bossing others, but to truly assist relationships in developing quality it's important to EMpower rather than OVERpower. Fulfilling power in a healthy, most effective way would mean that a person moves forward without holding someone back or forcing them behind. People may choose to fulfill their power need by finishing tasks they set out to do, working on a school degree, successfully making a change in life, or getting through long days of work.
AOD can alter a person's perception of having control and accomplishment. It's not often that a person truly accomplishes great things while actively drinking or using, but it IS often that people will brag about vast accomplishments while under the influence. Power is the sense that we feel important and achieved, meaning if we are not feeling that way we might find something that changes that feeling and perception to be less painful for awhile. AOD can create an impression that a person is 10 feet high and bulletproof...it's hard to get more powerful than that.
Freedom is our third psychological need expressed by our ability to move and choose freely and make our own decisions. Depending on a person's life experience, freedom may mean several things. For a previously incarcerated person, it may be fulfilled by maintaining physical freedom. For a religiously oppressed person it may be seen as the ability to practice their beliefs without judgment or punishment. Some folks may see their circumstances to blame for not having the freedom they want; however, a simple change in perception can increase our sense of freedom. Freedom need fulfillment may be achieved by working for oneself, meditation, or traveling.
AOD use can be used to "unwind"...a drink at the end of the day, a joint to free one's mind. Losing inhibition and becoming intoxicated at any level can begin to create the perception that we can choose to do whatever we want. We can leave the stress behind by just ingesting a substance - that's a hard belief to rid oneself of if it becomes reinforced throughout many years. Eventually this can become a need frustrating behavior as AOD can cause imprisonment or family loss.
Fun is the last psychological need expressed by laughing, playing, and learning. Learning might not sound like fun BUT this isn't talking about high-school geometry class. Unless, of course, you would choose to do geometry for fun! Learning by choice is a fun fulfilling behavior, especially when considering learning new hobbies or skills. Laughing and playing are obvious signs of fun fulfillment and fun is the easiest need to fulfill. We can choose to fulfill fun with others or by ourselves and in small or large ways. Fun may mean talking about 'the good old days', playing board games, reading a book, engaging in sports, or playing with children.
Fun is one of the primary reasons a person may decide to begin using AOD. It is very common for teenagers and young adults to find that parties or other social gatherings are much looser and more relaxed when drinking or drugging is present. Social drinking can sound very attractive and may actually be misrepresented. Being around other people doesn't necessarily make drinking 'social' other than other people are present! Many television and magazine ads represent alcohol use as fun and attractive. "If you drink Bud Lite (or insert any drink of choice) you'll be the life of the party" seems to be the message we can receive. Other drugs may alter perceptions and convince a person they wouldn't have much fun without being high: watching Cheech and Chong while high on marijuana or engaging in sex while on methamphetamines. Drugs temporarily increase dopamine, which increases the amount of fun we can perceive we're having.
Survival is the ingrained, biological instruction we all have related to (but not limited to) hunger, thirst, and sexual desire. This is the only biological based need and may also be expressed as a desire to live a healthy life, save money, and avoiding injury. A person with a very high need for survival would most likely not be skydiving or choosing to obtain credit card debt.
It may not seem like alcohol or drugs would fit into this category, but when AOD use has progressed to the point of withdrawal symptoms when not using, people may need to ingest their substance of choice to function. The alcohol user experiencing shakes, sweats, or with a history of seizures has a physiological system requiring alcohol to make things work smoothly...or as smooth as can be. Opiates or painkillers are also substances that require people to ingest substances to avoid the flu-like systems that are withdrawal.
It may not make sense to family members or friends of AOD users if their loved ones are experiencing legal problems, medical problems, family concerns, or job problems that the person would continue to use. However, to the AOD user they are simply choosing the most need fulfilling behavior they KNOW of. We can only make choices based on the information we have. If our behavioral system knows that drinking or drugging has worked to gain some need fulfillment in the past, it takes a great deal of new information to find something as need fulfilling. The human condition is that we attempt to resolve any pain or frustration and attempt to feel pleasure. Alcohol and drugs can be quick and seem instantly gratifying, despite any longterm damage. Recovery from AOD use is difficult as it can be very hard to remain patient in finding equally need fulfilling, quality world relationships and behaviors as AOD used to be....BUT IT CAN BE DONE!!